I need you to love me
by Ikana Katsuragi
Summary: From Tai's POV, of how he was about to lose his beloved friend, and how destiny put him on his way again... a little bit lemon, but it's pretty, kawaii...


I need you to love me  
  
Taichi's POV  
  
It was almost the last day before summer break. Our last year in high school was exhausting, maybe because we were almost in all activities at school. Still, the Digiworld didn't make it harder, but our life (the normal one) was a little bit complicated. Especially because we were teenagers, and life seems to be annoying when you are 17. Actually, I'm the only one with 17 already. That's why I feel like the big brother of all my mates.  
  
This year was fun, though, I spend almost all the time with my very dear friend Matt, even if we didn't share the same activities as usual, but we both know we would never share something in common, except, maybe, our friendship.  
  
The fact is that today we're heading to a camp at the Digiworld, two weeks or so, according to Daisuke, he's the one who's always planning something to get in there, he loves that. I didn't wanted to go at first, but when they told me everyone was going to, I beg Matt to go with me, because he didn't want it either.  
  
-C'mon, this is going to be fun! It has been almost two years since we don't see our friends! –I started to convince him.  
  
- No way Tai, even if I would want, I'm afraid I just can't –he answered, get him self busy with the dishes.  
  
-Why not?  
  
-'Cause I have three gigs and a lot of practices with the band, my dad will be out of town and also that trainee course at the University, I don't want to miss it.  
  
-A trainee course? What's that? –I asked, as I leaned against the fridge.  
  
-I need credits to enter to College, remember? –he said without facing me.  
  
-Mmm... I promised Dai we would go.  
  
-I'm not stopping you to –he said throwing a gaze upon me.  
  
-That won't be fun, not if I go alone with all those kids.  
  
-Hahaha, stupid Tai, you believe you are adult enough to say that, huh? –he exclaimed while he dried his hands and walked towards me. He then put both hands against the fridge, with me in the middle: "What did you wanted to do anyways? Something you couldn't do with out me?" I heard him whisper in my ear. I stood there giggling and playing with the neck of his shirt. I loved the way he treated me sometimes when we were alone. And I always wanted to keep him like that because he never had enough time to play with me.  
  
-That doesn't matter any more; if you're not coming you will never know. – I said also in a whisper, trying to sound sexy and interesting, but mostly sexy. I knew Matt would melt if I would have said: "What do you think, boy?" But I really wanted to catch him in my trap, so he would forget about that stupid course.  
  
-Is it something we can not do here? –he started again, but this time it was me who was melting, so I pushed him away, before something could happen.  
  
-It is important for us to go –I ended, and then I left his apartment quickly.  
  
While I went down the street heading to my own house, I thought about all the situations we've already been in. Situations that were uncomfortable for most of people, but none of them cared. Mom once told me if we had a special relationship between us, and I always said sarcastically that he was my boyfriend. I wonder if she did believe that. I don't care, though. But I wouldn't mind at all, we've always been that close. Even if we're always fighting for the same: when he gets drunk on Thursday night and has a horrible hangover on Friday at school, his stupid and hopeless friends of the band, his very often "casual sex" with unknown girls, the way he refers to his mom (a whore), his room, that he never goes to my soccer matches, his smoke habit and why is he dating Sora if he doesn't like her.  
  
I have to admit, that I result a little annoying for him too. I know he hates when we left for games out side the town. He hates my team friends (we're hand to hand), and hates my ex girlfriend who is always bothering us at school, even if we broke up since middle school. He hates the way I dress, the way I eat, the way I talk by phone. But I know, more than anyone that he just can't live with out me. That's why I love him so much. He's my friend and can't get mad with him more than half a day. When we get mad, eight hours after we're in his or my house saying sorry to each other, that's why I don't care fighting with him.  
  
I guess this happens to everyone that has a true friend. The thing is that we became the most popular friends in school. First, Matt's super- popularity of being the lead singer of the damned band made him the center of attention among the fan girls. I have my own fan girls anyway, being the captain of the soccer team. It is fun because in one issue of the school magazine, they made an article about us, and how we became friends if we were totally opposite. I have that magazine hidden somewhere in my room, because Matt said it was a stupidity. I didn't care, I loved it anyways.  
  
I really don't know what does it take to act like Matt, I'm older than he, but he's the one who drinks, smokes, drives, and has sex. Maybe because since the beginning he had too many responsibilities, and now he had managed to free him self from them and enjoy his life. I still don't like him to do that, it's not healthy.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
It has been almost three years since that camp on that hot summer. I will never, ever forget those times, our stance at the Digiworld, the fun I had with Agumon, the ending of my adolescence... Things I could get back if I would want to, but not now that I'm growing up. However, there is one thing I will never get back, and I wish I could return to the past and tell him how I felt. It is sad say goodbye, even if he is still there, I think it is sadder than lose him forever, because I don't own him, I'm nothing else but a friend, and the fact that I have to be happy just with that makes me ill, 'cause I didn't learn how to be just a friend of his. And it hurts. It hurts to see Matt married. I could kill his fiancée if I felt like it, but I wouldn't get him back to me. And I think I wouldn't have the guts to kill Sora. I hope he fulfills what he wanted, and if marriage makes him happy, then I have to be happy too.  
  
Nothing is as bad as it looks. My sister is engaged with Takeru (finally), and my family and his are preparing their wedding, 'because they want it to be as great as possible, even with two years of anticipation. Matt's wedding is going to be very simple and small, just close relatives and a few friends. I think it's because they don't have enough time. So you can imagine, what wasn't healthy at all, just as I said.  
  
******************************************************  
  
I know I shouldn't get mad at this new. I know we already talked about it. I know you really wanted this way. But this can't continue anymore. We've been arguing for more than three hours and you just can't understand that I feel like shit. I try to hide the sadness from my face, but our dialogue is getting my mood worse. You just seem not to understand that it is not the fact that you are getting married, and I care a hell that Sora is going to marry you, I just don't care. It's me who failed inside, because I couldn't stop my self of thinking we were more than friends. And that spoiled everything inside of me. I got selfish, and confused. Now that you are saying that you don't want to get married, I'm more confused than before. "I told you", I thought but I made my try since middle school and you didn't hear. All I could say was: "Then don't do it". I put my arms around you and you start to cry in silence, resting your head on my shoulder, I can feel the sobs escaping from your throat, your fingers digging into my back, holding tight as if you were about falling. I whisper your name just I used to when you stayed over at my house because you didn't want to wake up. I run my fingers through your blond and smooth hair, and pull it closer to me, so I can smell your scent. We sat down leaning against the wall, you didn't want to face me, because you think you will lose your pride, but you know that your pride means nothing to me, not more than your happiness, and you are going nowhere trying to pretend something you are not.  
  
We stayed there, in the middle of the hall, in an embrace that longed until you stopped crying, while I just thought about what were you feeling at the time. I heard your whispering then, all the words you should have said before everything happened, before you went out and spoil your life as if there was no tomorrow. And even if I was surprised to hear them, I already knew it. I knew you needed to be loved, because you were so lonely, so sad, eager to feel renewed, free. And then I started to cry because I thought I did my best, but not as much as I should. First because I should have told you that I loved you more than anything in the world, more than my own life, that I loved you the way you don't have idea, that kind of love where the energy of the whole world wouldn't fill the sentiment. And I made the mistake of hiding the secret from you. If I would told you, everything would be easier. I know is late now, but I think you should know that I love you with all my heart, my soul, my strength and mind. And now that I have you helplessly on my arms I wish I could love you with my body. So you won't forget. But it is late and tomorrow you have a wedding to assist, you have to rest enough. I shift from your holding and you stand up and walk towards the door.  
  
-Tai –you said softly before open the door.  
  
-What boy? –I asked stroking your pale face. You then throw your arms around my neck again and whisper: "I need you to love me".  
  
At this time, I couldn't help it; you are so beautiful that I cannot refuse to love you the way you want me to. I know I shouldn't but, this is an opportunity I won't let go that easy.  
  
We've been together a lot. We've slept together many times. We've kissed joking too, but never on the lips. I once tried to, when you were slept, but I wanted to be special, if my dream could finally become true. And now, I must be dreaming. I taste the delicious flavor of your mouth, exploring each part of it with my tongue, your sweetness, your warmth, the way you smell, the way you felt to the touch. It was a dream. I open my eyes, and realize it isn't. You are still in there. In my own bed with eyes wide open, with tears from a moment ago, and your mouth covered with my breath. You're so beautiful to me, that I don't want to wake up tomorrow and realize that you're not mine, that you belong to other person. And with this thought I blink and it's gone. The desire to have you had gone. You notice my reaction and pull my face to yours as if you wanted to take something out from my insides. You rub my back while I kiss your neck, and the desire has come back. I want you. I really do. I slowly take your clothes off. Slow as that song you started to sing. I love it when you sing, it drives me crazy, but the tune is quiet, and tonight you are going to be mine, so I don't have anything to lose. I took my shirt off and started kissing you again, so carefully and gently that I can feel each of your muscles tensing. Then I realize you are trying hard to take my pants off. I helped you and you blushed. This is the first time I see you blushing with me. You really seem prettier all pinky colored when I look down at your naked body, and the desire increased. I kissed every single part of it. I kissed away all the suffering you had hidden somewhere in your heart. I kissed your body as if that would mean the rest of my existence. And actually, it does mean.  
  
I entered you. I explored you from the inside. Two bodies becoming one. That's the most beautiful experience I've ever had. I felt like if another world appeared from nowhere and there is just you and me living on it. Your arms and legs are wrapped and locked around me; I can hear your moans and your voice pleading for more. I would give you everything you want my beautiful boy. Just make this night to last forever, because it will be the only one... I remember at this and start to thrust harder and faster into you. I don't want to lose you, not now that you're mine... now that I have you...  
  
********************************************************  
  
I woke up and felt the warmth coming from your body. Your silky skin is so smooth and white. Your head is upon my chest and your hand is resting on mine. I wait for you to wake up, while I stroke your back carefully. I heard you whispering my name. And I call yours back. You shift and rest your head next to me. You seem sadder than yesterday, but we cannot do anything about it. I hug you tightly trying to comfort you by saying: "Don't be afraid Matt; I will always be there for you, whenever you need me", I kissed you on the forehead, "you're safe here..."  
  
********************************************************  
  
Today is your wedding, boy. Just as planned. Your girlfriend looks beautiful, and you look great too. It is just perfect. Just as planned. Your dad is glad you are going to start a new life, and your mom looks up and down your future wife. It is not as bad as it seems. You will finish your career in a year or so, she will build up the sweet home of your dreams, and have the most beautiful children you always wanted to. Just as planned. I swallow and it hurts. I'm about to cry. I told you not to, but I'm so weak at these situations. I tried to remember the flavor of your lips I tasted just some hours ago, and I felt better; strawberry... delicious strawberry. I wonder if your wife will ever love you the way I do, but it doesn't matter, 'because I know now that you love me the same way, and we don't need to be married to express how good love feels. We can always see each other, right? We will be friends forever... and we will be lovers whenever you say "I need you to love me", because I have the need to love you too boy.  
  
****Owari******  
  
*Reviews please*  
  
*&&&&Taito Forever&&&&* 


End file.
